Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things
Okay, if I’m going to even get anywhere close to finishing this on time, I think I’m going to have to start just giving thoughts and perhaps try a little less hard to tie the paragraphs together, sooo, sorry?
Going with the title of the episode, we start with one of the cripples/broken things, Bran Stark. He dreams of the Stark crypt and the three-eyed raven, something that makes SO much more sense now, seven seasons in. I definitely remember being very confused the first time through (something that’s clearly a theme with me and the early seasons of this show). It’s essentially his first warging, a sign of all the things to come for the youngest (at the end of season seven) surviving Stark. This is also when we first meet the sweetest, gentlest character in all of Westeros, Hodor. When Robb called him in, my reaction was definitely, “HODOR!” He’s the best.
Still in Winterfell, we see the return of Tyrion, and of course, the outward hostility of Robb towards him. It’s interesting, because I feel like Catelyn keeps her plans very much to herself, but she must have expressed some kind of displeasure at the Lannisters in general, and Tyrion specifically, ‘cause that’s the only reason I could imagine Robb would be THAT rude to Tyrion when he arrives back Winterfell. Luckily, Tyrion, being raised in his back-stabbing family and the courtly intrigue of King’s Landing, has excellent manners, and knows better than to poke the wolf too hard in its domain. Then again, he has no problem baiting Theon…which I wish everyone would stop doing, ‘cause even though he’s awful right now, I already feel bad for everything he’s going to go through when Ramsay shows up.
Up at the Wall, we learn how completely Jon’s already earned the respect (and fear) of his peers when Samwell Tarly shows up. He gets everyone to leave Sam alone, much to Thorne’s disapproval. I forgot how completely useless Sam was at the beginning of the show. Granted, he’ll never become the warrior that Jon will be, but does learn his way around a blade, is far from being the coward he claims to be. As Jon and Sam grow closer in this episode, we get a chat regarding their status with the ladies, and despite his good looks Jon’s a virgin because he didn’t want another kid growing up with the last name Snow. That surname’s sure done a number on him.
However, right after this conversation we get a glimpse from Thorne at how awful winter is in Westeros, where seasons last years instead of months. I mean, I’m from the more northern (really the centre) of BC, so I’m familiar with temperatures in the -20 to -30 zones…but then again, I lived in a home with central heating, and what Ser Alliser describes sounds AWFUL. No wonder those Starks are always reminding everyone that Winter is Coming.
Over in Essos we get sexposition (GoT does a lot of exposition during sex, it’s so strange) about the history of dragons and Westeros from Viserys. Also, it turns out I was wrong (not the first time, nor the last around here), Jorah DOES explain that he was selling slave, ‘cause he had ‘an expensive wife’. We also get Viserys being his continually horrible self, Dany invites him for dinner, but he incorrectly assumes it’s an order (‘cause that’s presumably the only way he can get people to dine with him - to order them) and storms into her tent and attacks her, telling her not to anger the dragon…Well, Dany’s had enough of this and smacks him (like we all want to). Later on when talking with Jorah, he asks her if she really wants him on the throne, ‘cause the people in Westeros wouldn’t welcome someone like him (someone who reminds them of the Mad King) on the throne. Dany’s no dope, she knows he wouldn’t conquer the Seven Kingdoms, even with the Dothraki at his back. Ah Viserys, everyone’s agreed you’re useless, the end is nigh.
Then we get all the activity down in King’s Landing (geesh, I don’t know why I thought these would be short posts, SO. MUCH. HAPPENS.) Sooo, let’s sum up King’s Landing in bullet points:
Sansa already knows that Joffrey hates her, which sounds like a great start to a relationship.
Ned’s starts up CSI: Winterfell and finds Gendry (I hope you’re ready for some rowing Gendry ;) and figures out the connection much faster than Jon Arryn did.
Jamie and Jory bond over the battle of Pyke (that’ll be short-lived) and they mention Thoros of Myr and his flaming sword. Chalk another one in the ‘missed that one the first time through’ column.
We meet the Mountain (well, Mountain #1) aaaaand he kills Ser Hugh in the most brutal hit during ‘Ned’s’ tournament (that he’s not attending)
Sansa meets Littlefinger for the first time…and learns the Hound’s origin story - which is a nice reminder that Cleganebowl is still coming in this final season, I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to that one.
Arya trains and Ned talks about the gendered future she has in store, and Arya tells him plainly that it won’t be the life she leads ‘No, that’s not me’. Sure isn’t Arya.
Littlefinger plainly tells Ned that “Distrusting me was the wisest thing you’ve done since climbing off your horse.” COME ON NED! Like, when he TELLS YOU you shouldn’t trust him, you do? Ugh. Starks.
Oh yeah! Ned also has a chat with Cersei about ‘killing enemies’ and I all can think is WHY ARE YOU HERE?! EVERYONE WANTS TO KILL YOU. Sigh. The inevitability is so blatant it almost hurts to watch him futilely try to be a good person in the capital.
Finally we get Catelyn taking the one good Lannister into custody ‘cause she trusted Littlefinger. WHY DO THESE STARKS TRUST HIM?! Sigh, so frustrating.
Aaaaanyways, on to the next one.
Ser Hugh of the Vale, killed by the Mountain
image created by Robert Ball for HBO’s Beautiful Death series