Sigh. I know I’m a broken record, but Ned. Oh Ned.

I get it, CSI: King’s Landing was more appealing to you than the tournament being thrown in your name, but maybe if you weren’t so outwardly hostile to everyone and more suspicious of Littlefinger, then things wouldn’t go so badly in the end. I mean, probably not, but hey, a girl can hope
At least he convinces Robert not to compete in the tournament, not just because his armour is too small for him now, but because surely someone in the Queen’s pocket would figure out how to kill him. I mean, his outward hostility to Lancel Lannister is probably what gets him killed a few episodes later, and might be why Lancel becomes one of the sparrows later on (if I remember all of this correctly, which I may not, as previously mentioned, I haven’t watched these episodes in an age)

Instead of Robert making a fool of himself, we get the introduction of Ser Loras, and oh man, I can’t believe how much I forgot about this show. All I can see now when I see the Knight of the Flowers is the fact that he’s Iron Fist, it’s very distracting. I’m sure I’ll get over it shortly, but man, that hair, that smug face. Littlefinger goads Renly about his relationship with Loras, which seems awfully hypocritical coming from the guy who’s lusting after a CHILD in Sansa, but this is GoT, so I guess we can’t be that surprised.
Anyways, Loras proves that he’s not just a pretty face by beating the Mountain, who then decapitates his horse (yes, I mixed this up and thought it was in the last episode, I watched them back to back, lesson learned) and tries to go after Loras. The Hound stops him and we get the first round of the Cleganebowl, something I’m SO looking forward to in season 8.
I enjoy later on when Loras and Renly are together and get a little glimpse that plotting for the throne comes from all areas. It’s shocking to think how many people want to sit on that uncomfortable throne made of melted weapons. However, it’s interesting to see Loras’ argument to have Renly on the throne, when he says, ”Where is it written that power is only made for the worst?” Renly is good and would, ostensibly a far more frugal king than Robert, who thought being king meant being able to do what he wanted, and leaves the running of the kingdom the small council as opposed to getting involved directly.
EXCEPT! When it comes to the Targaryens. News arrives that Daenerys is pregnant and Robert’s complete and utter hatred for the house that took away the one thing that he truly wanted, Lyanna Stark, brings him to a meeting to demand Ned have her killed. Assassinating a pregnant young woman a world away is a step too far for the honourable man from the North. It’s the excuse he’s been waiting for to throw in the towel and head back to the far less intriguing North. He gives up his position as Hand. We all know it’s a big mistake, especially considering what his wife is up to, but alas.

Catelyn heads to see her sister, and finds her changed. Apparently, spending time in the capital is bad for everyone. The image of her sitting up on that high seat, breast-feeding an eight-year-old Robin is QUITE the introduction for Lysa. Between that and the cadence of speech that both Lysa and Robin have just makes them so damn creepy. It makes you feel extra sympathy for Tyrion. Catelyn was unwise enough to bring him there, something that she starts to see for herself very quickly, but being thrown in that cell with no back wall? YIKES. It’s no WONDER the Eyrie is such a valuable piece of real estate in the Game of Thrones board game.

Up in Winterfell you also get another glimpse Theon’s increasing frustration with his lot in life. Oh Theon, be careful what you wish for. Things are going to get SO much worse for you. Bran also demonstrates some of the frustration that I have in Catelyn. She’s so convinced that she’s doing the right thing that she seemingly forgets that she has two young children that need her attention back in Winterfell, not just Bran, who’s recovering from an injury, but Rickon as well.

Back in King’s Landing, we get Arya training, trying to catch a cat. And if that’s one of the requirements for becoming a sword fighter, then I’m well on my way, ‘cause I’m an excellent cat catcher. However, her efforts due lead her to several interesting discoveries. Firstly, that the skulls of the dragons weren’t destroyed like Viserys thought they were, they’ve just been moved underground. The second thing is far more important, that Jon Arryn was killed because he started asking questions, just like his father has been. She gets the kind of direct proof of all the overt plotting that’s going on against the throne. However, she’s unable to identify the men, and stumbles over her words, and is ultimately interrupted by Yoren’s arrival with the news that Catelyn’s taken Tyrion prisoner.

In between this and Ned’s discovery of another one of Robert’s bastards right before the slaughter of his men, we get a surprisingly touching scene between Cersei and Robert, laughing about their marriage and how it’s kind of a mess. It’s two people who stay married for appearances but seemed to know from the beginning it would never be a happy one. Considering all her actions later on in the show, it’s so hard to tell if Cersei is sincere here, but I’d like to think she was. She didn’t seem to become quite so power hungry until after Robert dies.

Finally we get the end of the episode, the first true indication that everything isn’t going to work out for the family we so want to cheer for (even though they make so many bad decisions). Ned’s honour yet again is the thing that gets him into the most trouble, when he claims that he was the one that ordered Tyrion’s capture, not letting Catelyn take the blame. While Jamie may not be able to act out against Robert directly over all the small slights he takes against the Lannister family, he certainly feels like he has the right to defend his family honour when Robert’s friend captures his brother without just cause. Obviously, I think he takes it a step too far by killing the Stark bannermen, but then again, this is Game of Thrones and that’s how the game is played, by taking as many players off the board as you can at once.

The Mountain’s horse, decapitated by the Mountain
Kurleket, killed by Hill Tribesmen
Willis Wode, killed by Hill Tribesmen
Wyl, killed by Lannister guardsmen
Heward, killed by Lannister guardsmen
Jory Cassel, killed by Jamie Lannister
Four unnamed Hill Tribesmen, killed by Bronn
One unnamed Hill Tribesman, killed by Tyrion
Two unnamed Hill Tribesmen, killed by Rodrick Cassel
One Lannister guardsman, killed by Ned Stark
Three Lannister guardsmen, killed by Jory Cassel

image created by Robert Ball for HBO’s Beautiful Death series

Okay, if I’m going to even get anywhere close to finishing this on time, I think I’m going to have to start just giving thoughts and perhaps try a little less hard to tie the paragraphs together, sooo, sorry?

Going with the title of the episode, we start with one of the cripples/broken things, Bran Stark. He dreams of the Stark crypt and the three-eyed raven, something that makes SO much more sense now, seven seasons in. I definitely remember being very confused the first time through (something that’s clearly a theme with me and the early seasons of this show). It’s essentially his first warging, a sign of all the things to come for the youngest (at the end of season seven) surviving Stark. This is also when we first meet the sweetest, gentlest character in all of Westeros, Hodor. When Robb called him in, my reaction was definitely, “HODOR!” He’s the best.

Still in Winterfell, we see the return of Tyrion, and of course, the outward hostility of Robb towards him. It’s interesting, because I feel like Catelyn keeps her plans very much to herself, but she must have expressed some kind of displeasure at the Lannisters in general, and Tyrion specifically, ‘cause that’s the only reason I could imagine Robb would be THAT rude to Tyrion when he arrives back Winterfell. Luckily, Tyrion, being raised in his back-stabbing family and the courtly intrigue of King’s Landing, has excellent manners, and knows better than to poke the wolf too hard in its domain. Then again, he has no problem baiting Theon…which I wish everyone would stop doing, ‘cause even though he’s awful right now, I already feel bad for everything he’s going to go through when Ramsay shows up.

Up at the Wall, we learn how completely Jon’s already earned the respect (and fear) of his peers when Samwell Tarly shows up. He gets everyone to leave Sam alone, much to Thorne’s disapproval. I forgot how completely useless Sam was at the beginning of the show. Granted, he’ll never become the warrior that Jon will be, but does learn his way around a blade, is far from being the coward he claims to be. As Jon and Sam grow closer in this episode, we get a chat regarding their status with the ladies, and despite his good looks Jon’s a virgin because he didn’t want another kid growing up with the last name Snow. That surname’s sure done a number on him.
However, right after this conversation we get a glimpse from Thorne at how awful winter is in Westeros, where seasons last years instead of months. I mean, I’m from the more northern (really the centre) of BC, so I’m familiar with temperatures in the -20 to -30 zones…but then again, I lived in a home with central heating, and what Ser Alliser describes sounds AWFUL. No wonder those Starks are always reminding everyone that Winter is Coming.

Over in Essos we get sexposition (GoT does a lot of exposition during sex, it’s so strange) about the history of dragons and Westeros from Viserys. Also, it turns out I was wrong (not the first time, nor the last around here), Jorah DOES explain that he was selling slave, ‘cause he had ‘an expensive wife’. We also get Viserys being his continually horrible self, Dany invites him for dinner, but he incorrectly assumes it’s an order (‘cause that’s presumably the only way he can get people to dine with him - to order them) and storms into her tent and attacks her, telling her not to anger the dragon…Well, Dany’s had enough of this and smacks him (like we all want to). Later on when talking with Jorah, he asks her if she really wants him on the throne, ‘cause the people in Westeros wouldn’t welcome someone like him (someone who reminds them of the Mad King) on the throne. Dany’s no dope, she knows he wouldn’t conquer the Seven Kingdoms, even with the Dothraki at his back. Ah Viserys, everyone’s agreed you’re useless, the end is nigh.

Then we get all the activity down in King’s Landing (geesh, I don’t know why I thought these would be short posts, SO. MUCH. HAPPENS.) Sooo, let’s sum up King’s Landing in bullet points:

• Sansa already knows that Joffrey hates her, which sounds like a great start to a relationship.

• Ned’s starts up CSI: Winterfell and finds Gendry (I hope you’re ready for some rowing Gendry ;) and figures out the connection much faster than Jon Arryn did.

• Jamie and Jory bond over the battle of Pyke (that’ll be short-lived) and they mention Thoros of Myr and his flaming sword. Chalk another one in the ‘missed that one the first time through’ column.

• We meet the Mountain (well, Mountain #1) aaaaand he kills Ser Hugh in the most brutal hit during ‘Ned’s’ tournament (that he’s not attending)

• Sansa meets Littlefinger for the first time…and learns the Hound’s origin story - which is a nice reminder that Cleganebowl is still coming in this final season, I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to that one.

• Arya trains and Ned talks about the gendered future she has in store, and Arya tells him plainly that it won’t be the life she leads ‘No, that’s not me’. Sure isn’t Arya.

• Littlefinger plainly tells Ned that “Distrusting me was the wisest thing you’ve done since climbing off your horse.” COME ON NED! Like, when he TELLS YOU you shouldn’t trust him, you do? Ugh. Starks.

• Oh yeah! Ned also has a chat with Cersei about ‘killing enemies’ and I all can think is WHY ARE YOU HERE?! EVERYONE WANTS TO KILL YOU. Sigh. The inevitability is so blatant it almost hurts to watch him futilely try to be a good person in the capital.

Finally we get Catelyn taking the one good Lannister into custody ‘cause she trusted Littlefinger. WHY DO THESE STARKS TRUST HIM?! Sigh, so frustrating.

Aaaaanyways, on to the next one.

Ser Hugh of the Vale, killed by the Mountain

image created by Robert Ball for HBO’s Beautiful Death series

We’re three episodes in, so it feels like it’s time to add a bunch more characters to the roster! Granted, I’ll forever be grateful that Benioff and Weiss restrained themselves far more than George R.R. Martin ever did, but still, we’ve just gotten used to the pantheon of characters we’ve already met and they stack on another baker’s dozen in this episode. Yes, I know, most of them die…actually, I think all save one are dead now…Jeor Mormont, Maester Aemon, Ser Alliser Thorne, Ser Barristan Selmy, Grand Maester Pycelle, Renly Baratheon, Littlefinger, Pyp, Grenn, Syrio Forel, Rakharo, Lancel Lannister, yup, all dead except for Varys.

In all honesty if you told me that the Spider would be the last man standing of that group when I first watched this episode, I would’ve had a hard time believing you. He doesn’t make a great first impression, and comes off just as slimy as Littlefinger. Speaking of whom, seeing Ned almost strangle him in this episode is kind of awesome, even though it’s clearly one of the many nails Ned hammers into his own coffin. Truly, Ned is too good for King’s Landing. While he may be the strong, sensible Hand that Robert needs, he’s far too honest and honour-bound to really be effective in any way, shape, or form in the Capital. I have to admit, watching him make all these mistakes over again is such a bummer. It’s one of those ‘if he’s only played the game better’ kind of situations. However, for Ned, the problem was that he didn’t realize that there was even a game happening until he’d lost it.

Speaking of Starks, Catelyn is kind of the worst. I think I remember liking her the first time ‘round, but this time, well, she’s far more reckless than her husband, and Ned may not have a lot to help him in King’s Landing, but at least he doubts he can trust Littlefinger (LEAN INTO THAT NED). Cat on the other hand seems to think that just because he’s in love with her, she can trust him. Ummm, you married someone else, your first fiancés’ brother even…how does that breed trust Cat? She ‘feels it in her bones’ that the Lannisters did it, and sure, they did, but just believing that Tyrion would be dumb enough to send an assassin with his own knife? COME ON. Use some sense woman! Sigh. I feel like I’m going to be yelling that at her a lot this watch through.

At the other end of Westeros, we’ve got Jon, who’s been cruelly dubbed Lord Snow by Ser Alliser Thorne due to his highborn bastard status. He’s also clearly the best recruit the Night’s Watch has had in a while. Here’s where trusting a Lannister can be helpful. It’s so easy to like Tyrion when you see him being sneakily helpful. Showing Jon that little things, like learning people’s names can go a long way in a place like the Wall. And even though Jon is admittedly better than all the rest, it’s good to have someone like Tyrion remind him, that all his highborn status means nothing here, he’s just like everyone else. It’s amazing how far these little lessons take Jon over the course of the show. Don’t get me wrong, he makes some huge mistakes too (thank to some of that pesky honour he learned from Ned) but these lessons from Tyrion are super valuable.

There’s this interesting thread through this episode with people giving Jamie a hard time for ‘stabbing Aerys Targaryen in the back’. I appreciate the face that this is ‘bad form’ and all that, but they called him the Mad King for a reason. He literally burned Ned’s family alive, in the throne room, where apparently 500 men stood by and did nothing. And while I may agree with Ned’s cynicism that Jamie actually thought about those burning Starks when he finally killed Aerys, I’m not sure the outward contempt is quite warranted. Then Robert brings it up as well, Robert who literally started a war with the Targaryens over a girl and wants to destroy an entire bloodline because that girl died. Where’s the justice there. Jamie stops a mad man from being in charge of the whole realm, and he’s a bad guy, but because the crown’s on Robert’s head, the injustices he committed to get that crown are moot? Man alive, the hypocrisy abounds.

Finally, if people didn’t see Viserys’ death coming a mile away, then I don’t know what to do for them. Literally every single time he says or does something I immediately think to myself “well at least he’s only around for X many more episodes.” He was certainly the first character where I was like, he’s going to die soon right? (there were many more after this) No one can be this horrible and live, ESPECIALLY when Khal Drogo’s involved. He’s such a narcissist that he believes every single thing that Daenerys does is a direct slight against him. Even though I’m sure she rarely even thinks about him anymore, especially now that she’s carrying Drogo’s child.

Ummm, there were no deaths this episode. So, I guess we can commemorate that fact: First no death episode, well done Game of Thrones.

image created by Robert Ball for HBO’s Beautiful Death series

Everybody’s on the road! I mean, by the end of the episode a lot of people are on the road, and the episode’s called ‘The Kingsroad’…am I reaching? Maybe. Anyways, let’s dive in.

We start in Essos with Dany and Ser Jorah, and I have to admit, with how lovesick he gets in the latter seasons I kind of forgot some of who Jorah was before that. It’s also nice to get a reminder that he’s a Northerner, he flees Westeros because his liege lord, Ned Stark, had condemned his to death for selling poachers to a slaver (to fund his wife’s lavish lifestyle, but that’s left out of the show) , not only that but he’s the only son of Jeor Mormont, Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. He’s got some seriously strong ties to the North, and I’m curious to see how that will play out in the final season when Dany and Sansa inevitably start butting heads.
As mentioned in my last post, Dany and Drogo were my main focus in the first season, so for her to learn how to be a better lover, and therefore more in control of what happened in the tent made me really happy to see. It also kind of proves to me that even though she spent so long living with Viserys and his instance that he’s a king, etc, she recognizes the true power that Drogo has, and how through him she can gain independence from her brother’s awfulness. That kind of smarts makes it really easy to root for Dany especially in this first season.

In the first season, while I liked the Starks more than any other of the Westerosi houses, I also found them a bit frustrating. Overly noble, too bound to duty, etc. Now, I just want those poor remaining Starks to make it through the winter. Catelyn is the most frustrating for me, I can see that she loves her children, and now she’s been left alone in the North with her sick child, but it literally takes an assassin to remind her that life is happening outside the room where Bran’s recovering. She’s also SO terrible to Jon. Who, while sometimes frustrated with his ‘bastard’ title, is never anything but courteous to his ‘father’s’. wife. Even after she’s so awful to him while Jon’s saying goodbye to the comatose Bran, Robb asks about his mother’s conduct, and Jon lies and says ‘she was very kind’. UM. NO SHE WASN’T. She was outwardly hostile to you.

We also get the promise from Ned to Jon, that Ned will tell Jon about his mother when he sees him next. Poor Jon. I know that L+R=J was one of the biggest theories (now proven correct) in GoT, but I sometimes wonder why it had to be such a huge secret. I mean, I know it’s a lot of what forms Jon’s character, but still. Considering how much Ned trusts and loves his wife, would it have really been so much to tell her that Jon wasn’t the walking embodiment of his shame, but his nephew? I can appreciate that perhaps Cat not being outwardly hostile to Jon might have been a give away for some, but how often does anyone of consequence visit them? Robert’s been on the throne for seven years, and this is the first time. Another thought, all Targaryens are known for how crazy blonde they are, so that Northern blood must be VERY strong for Jon to be so very dark, without a hint of the telltale Targaryen blonde.

A few thoughts about Lannisters. Tyrion disabusing Jon of his belief in what the Night’s Watch is, but also expressing his doubts about all the things that lurk beyond the wall. Thinking about when Jon proves him wrong by bringing a White Walker to King’s Landing is a nice ‘I told you so’.
Cersei can occasionally be genuinely sympathetic. When she tells you about her first son, Robert (and her only child by her husband) and how he died, you feel for her. I think this is due, in great part, to Lena Headey’s great skill as an actor. However, that being said, she is also the worst (like her son), using Sansa to get back at Arya is such a horrible hint at all the things that are to come, both for Sansa and Cersei.
Finally Joffrey. I know I said that Cersei was the worst, but it’s actually Joffrey. From the top of the episode when Tyrion slaps (Slap Counter: 3) him for being petulant about showing deference to the Starks, his hosts, in their time of grief. If you wanted an indication of character...Then when he and Arya get into it, you can see in his crazy eyes that he really and truly wanted to kill the girl, for so little a slight as her defending her friend.

Finally Sansa. Like most, I found her really annoying the first time through, but in this episode my heart breaks for her when her actions condemn Lady. Sadly, it’s the first of many horrible lessons she has to learn before becoming the badass Lady Stark she is today. Speaking of direwolves, I wonder if we’ll ever see Nymeria again? I think other than Ghost, she’s the only Stark direwolf that, as far as we know, is still alive.

Assassin killed by Summer (Bran’s direwolf)
Lady (Sansa’s direwolf), killed by Ned Stark, but only because Cersei’s terrible
Mycah, killed by the Hound (as depicted in this post’s Beautiful Death)

image created by Robert Ball for HBO’s Beautiful Death series

Welcome to my insane little project. .
After making the effort to watch all the Oscar nominated films over the last month, I seemed to think that re-watching and blogging about Game of Thrones would be a good idea. And it might be, I mean, I haven’t watched any of the series since they first aired, so reliving the show could be fun. I also already review a show weekly for my podcast, so I’m definitely used to picking shows apart, albeit normally with my co-host and in audio form as opposed to the written…However, I may have slightly miscalculated the amount of time that this ‘little’ project will take, so I’m going to go ahead and say up front, that while I intend to blog my entire rewatch, it’s quite possible that I may fall a little short, not an apology, just forewarning you, dear audience (whomever you may be) that it might happen.

And with that, on to the episode!

I remember being intrigued, but also confused the first time I watched this cold open. I didn’t know that was the Wall, nor that they were venturing beyond it. I know idea who or what Wildlings, White Walkers, or the Night’s Watch were. There were just three guys tramping around in the snow, and spooky things happening. The show was also very sparing with their 'fantasy’ elements in this first season. (if I remember correctly, I may prove myself wrong in a couple eps) Maybe partly due to budget constraints (the production value, while good, looks ‘worse’ than subsequent seasons) and maybe to not lose the people who were in for courtly intrigue but not so much into magic and dragons, etc.

After the (impressive) opening credits, we get our first introduction to the heroes of the show, the Starks. People, I cannot stress enough how young everyone is. So young, so carefree, so unaware of all the terrible things that are about to befall their family. Robb and Jon teaching Bran archery, Sansa being proud her needlework, and Arya showing up her brother with her own archery skills, and Ned and Cat looking out proudly at it all. JUST STOP THE SHOW HERE WHILE EVERYONE’S ALIVE AND HAPPY. But alas, this is a drama, and drama requires conflict. So. Much. Conflict. Like seven more seasons worth…

We get our first glimpse of Valyrian steel when Ned uses Ice to behead the sole survivor of the White Walker, you know and brought his 10-year-old along to watch. After giving us the first glimpse of how Ned might be a little too dutiful and honourable for his own good, by following the old ways of dispensing the justice himself, we learn the next most important thing: Theon’s the worst. He smirks when Will loses his head and was completely okay with killing a puppy. Yeah, I hated this guy. Like, a lot. And he gets worse before he gets better, but apparently being tortured by a sociopath is the way to redemption if your name is Theon.

It’s interesting to note that Ned respects Jon enough to listen to him when he suggests that they bring the direwolves back to Winterfell. It’s hard to say why exactly, maybe because he reminds Ned of his sister, or he gives Ned a good reason to NOT MURDER PUPPIES, but either way. Also, I forgot how formal Jon was with Ned. He respects his place as the lowest man on the totem pole, but also deeply respects his ‘father’. Always calling him ‘Lord Stark’ and ‘my lord’. I think this bastard upbringing is a big part of what makes Jon a good leader in the end. He learned from a distance, but was respected when he had good ideas. (like not killing puppies, the best idea) I mean, he obviously has a huge chip on his shoulder about it too, mainly ‘cause Catelyn is absolutely horrible to him.

I have so many thoughts when the Lannisters come to Winterfell, the main one being “don’t smile at Joffrey Sansa!” The other is that I kind of forgot how cocky Jamie was. I know most of the characters who’ve survived to the end of the last season have had some impressive character arcs, but I think Jamie’s might be one of the most dramatic. He gets up in Ned’s face, he’s mean to Jon, he is kind to his brother, you know, and then the whole twincest and pushing a ten-year-old out a window ‘for love’.

The final storyline of the episode takes us across the Narrows sea to Pentos, where I completely forgot that Roger Allam was in this show, I mean, I shouldn’t be surprised, because it seems like if you’re British and available you were probably cast in GoT at some point. And while I remembered about Viserys, I kind of blocked out how gross he is. In his FIRST SCENE he’s undressing and touching his sister as he essentially sells her for an army. I’m already looking forward to episode six. I must admit when I was first watching the show, I would fast forward the episodes to see what was happening with Dany and Khal Drogo. While their relationship starts off HORRIBLY, theirs is the only ‘happy’ storyline of the season (yes, until the end, OBVIOUSLY) while everyone else is lying, cheating, backstabbing, and being being generally awful, they’re falling in love, and Daenerys is learning that she’s more powerful that she expected.

I think that was enough words for this post, it’s already far too long. A few parting thoughts at the end of the first episode, with the retrospective eye, it’s easy to see how much they were setting up the ‘final three’ (Jon, Daenerys, and Cersei) right from the start. At the beginning we thought the show was starring Sean Bean and Mark Addy, not knowing that neither man would make it out of the first season alive. Speaking of Sean Bean, I miss Ned Stark.

Finally, I’m going to do an In Memoriam for each episode, ‘cause why not. I’m also going to feature the lovely art created by HBO by artist Robert Ball for each episode, depicting the ‘most iconic deaths in the realm’. On top of depicting one of the most important deaths in the episode, they’re also full of Easter eggs, like in this one the blood makes the map of Westeros.

Waymar Royce - killed by a White Walker - the distinction of being the first of MANY deaths in Game of Thrones
Gared - killed by a White Walker
Will - executed by Ned Stark
Jon Arryn - poisoned by Lysa Arryn
Two Dothraki - killed at the wedding, ‘cause it’s not a good Dothraki wedding unless at least three people are killed (so I have to assume at least one more person died at this wedding)

image created by Robert Ball for HBO’s Beautiful Death series