Okay! Before we talk about some business that’s risqué, let’s talk domestic versus international gross! I’ve talked to some friends about my top 10 list as compared to theirs, and unsurprisingly, domestic vs international makes a big difference! I’m using the domestic gross for 1983, but as my luck would have it if I’d used the international gross, I would have saved myself from watching Vacation (it was #11) and would have added Terms of Endearment (#2 international, #22! domestic), but oh well, it is what it is. Moving on to today’s review!

#8 Risky Business
Released: August 5, 1983
Gross: $63,541,777
Have I seen this movie before? Nope

Of course, I was familiar with Tom Cruise dancing in his underwear, but apart from that, I’m ashamed to admit I had no idea what this movie was about. To boil it down pretty simply, when Joel’s (Tom Cruise) parents go out of town, his friend Miles tells him he should live it up a bit before he goes off to college. Joel’s version of this is raiding the liquor cabinet, dancing in his underwear around the house and joyriding his dad’s fancy car. Apparently, Miles thinks this is far too tame and calls a sex worker, Jackie, to visit Joel. Now, I have to hand it to the movie; when Joel finds this out and that Jackie is trans (or at least a man in women’s clothing - it’s not made clear how they identify), he isn’t disgusted, more embarrassed that they’ve made the trip out for nothing. So much so that Joel pays Jackie for their time, and in return, Jackie gives Joel the number of someone who’s probably more up his alley, Lana (Rebecca DeMornay - who I’m more familiar with from 1993’s Three Musketeers). It turns out that Lana sure is up Joel’s alley, but she’s also very pricey, a lot more than the money his parents left him when they went away (and I have a feeling they were thinking more along the lines of pizza). So he leaves her, this woman he literally just met, alone in his fancy Chicago suburb home to go cash a savings bond to pay her. Guys. Like, I know it’s a movie, and it’s set in the 80s, but do you know anyone who would leave a complete stranger alone in their house?! He could have easily had her come with him to the bank! But then again, her being left alone leads her to steal Joel’s mother’s fancy crystal egg, which is the driving force for all the drama to follow, BUT WHO DOES THIS?!

ANYWAYS. Moving on from that big ol’ plot hole, Joel finds himself enamoured with Lana, despite her thieving ways and decides to let her stay at his house while trying to figure out to get the egg back from under her pimp’s roof. Instead, he angers the pimp, and then, after a night out with Lana and a couple friends he knocks his dad’s Porsche into Lake Michigan. When he finds out how much it will cost to fix the Porsche (a lot more than he has in bonds) in a ‘that escalated quickly’ kind of moment, he and Lana decide to turn his house into a brothel for a night to make the money to pay for the repairs. The night’s a huge success, but when he gets back from picking up the car up from the mechanic his house is devoid of furniture. Needless to say, Lana’s pimp is pretty mad at Joel, so in maybe the prettiest move of all time he steals all of his furniture and forces him to buy it back - good thing the brothel was such a hit, ‘cause Joel uses the last of the profits to return his house to normal before his parents get back from their trip.

I don’t know folks, this movie was pretty good, but I clearly wasn’t the target audience. That being said, it has a fair amount of humour, a great soundtrack, some jabs at Reagan-era greed and classism, and a few great, ‘OMG IS THAT?! moments’ - particularly with Joe Pantaliano and Bronson Pinchot.

Here we go again! In honour of my upcoming 40th birthday, I’ve decided to watch the top ten movies that came out the year I was born. If you read my last review, you know that it didn’t start off on the greatest note. National Lampoon’s Vacation was NOT a hit for me. Moving on to #9, Mr. Mom, I’ll admit I didn’t have particularly high hopes, but I was sure it couldn’t be nearly as bad as #10. (Spoiler alert, I was right)

So, #9 Mr. Mom
Released: July 22, 1983
Gross: $63,090,965
Have I seen this movie before? Nope

Okay, so quick synopsis for those of you, like me, who maybe haven’t seen Mr. Mom. Jack (Keaton) and Caroline (Garr) live in Detroit, where he’s an automotive engineer in Detroit, and she’s a stay-at-home mom for their three kids. When Jack gets furloughed from his job and can’t find another, Caroline, who went to school for and previously worked in advertising, returns to the workforce.

After Vacation, this was a huge step up. Keaton is very charming, and Jack actually likes his wife, Caroline. I appreciate that he didn’t seem overly sulky that he had become a stay-at-home dad, more frustrated that he couldn’t get another job, and didn’t resent his wife for being able to. It was more of a general frustration that he seemed oblivious about basic chores like laundry and feeding his kids. Hijinks come from when he gets addicted to soap operas and forms a poker night with the other stay-at-home moms. However, after some stumbles, he hits his stride as a stay-at-home dad. And let’s be honest, we all take a little bit of time figuring out new jobs, time management and the like.

My main bones of contention are:

1) Caroline called to have three contractors come at the SAME time and didn’t tell Jack they were coming. There was a plumber, an exterminator, and an electrician all arriving to do things on his ‘first day on the job’, who does that?!
2) we don’t get more of Caroline’s side of things. We get glimpses of her at work and know that she’s climbing the ranks, but that’s about it.
3) A weirdly abrupt ending

Sure, Mr. Mom is full of gendered stereotypes that were dated even in 1983, but it’s quite sweet in the end, and both Keaton and Garr are very winning. It’s a very ‘medium’ type of movie. Watchable, especially in comparison to #10, but nothing really to write home about.

In six weeks, I’ll be turning 40. A big ol’ milestone birthday! And earlier this year, I had this idea for doing a whole blog series about a few things I was hoping/planning on doing leading up to that milestone. But if you’re at all familiar with me and plans for blog series, that kind of…didn’t happen. Cut to the beginning of the summer, and I was like, I know I’ll do a blog series on the top movies of the summer of 1983!, but since I’m a procrastinator to the core, the summer’s now half over and I haven’t written a thing. SO, now, at last, I’ve settled on a theme for this ‘I’m almost 40’ blog series: the top 10 grossing movies for the year I was born. ‘Cause you know I love a movie, and it seems as good a theme as any, lol.

So, a quick Google search gave me the list, and I decided to work in reverse order, starting with #10, National Lampoon’s Vacation.
Released: June 29, 1983
Gross: $61,399,522
Have I seen this movie before? Nope

So, for those of you, like me, who may not have watched Vacation before, the rough synopsis is that Chevy Chase wants to take his family on a cross-country road trip from Chicago to California so they can visit Walley World. Hijinks ensue. Pretty standard family road trip flick.

My friends, this is not a good movie. I can maybe understand if you saw it when you were young how you might have some rose-coloured nostalgia for it, but I do not and I did not like this movie. I found it cringy and unfunny from pretty much beginning to end. Okay, there was a moment, right at the top, when Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) takes his totally fine car to get a new one THE DAY BEFORE EMBARKING ON A ROAD TRIP and Eugene Levy makes a fun appearance. One thing leads to another and they get a much crappier car, which prompts his wife Ellen to ask why they don’t just fly? Good question Ellen! Apparently, Clark’s been working so much that he misses spending time with his kids, which is sweet in a way, but wouldn’t be nice to spend more time at Wallyworld with them than being stuck in a car with them? Also, if this is an important family trip why does Clark spend so much time obsessing over Christie Brinkley as she drives sexily past him on the highway? I get it, for the ‘comedy’ of it all, except it’s not funny. There are a bunch of things that just don’t work out for the Griswold’s on their roadtrip, but the real topper is when Ellen’s aunt dies in the car and then Clark insists on LEAVING HER BODY IN THE RAIN OUTSIDE ELLEN’S BROTHERS’ HOUSE. Like, what?!?! This is after they strap her corpse to the top of the car, OF COURSE.

All of this was in service of getting to Walley World, right? But guess what folks, in the middle of the summer, Walley World is closed for maintenance, the whole park, for two weeks! It seems outright nonsensical in the first place, but even more bonkers is that this whole family would plan a trip there and not even make sure the park would be open when they arrived! I understand that this was in a pre-internet time, but I went to Disneyland in the mid-90s and my parents definitely checked it would be open before schlepping four kids down to California for a week and we didn’t get the (dial-up) internet until around ‘97-’98…

I suppose the only bonus is there’s another fun Canadian comedy legend cameo in the form of John Candy as the SOLE guard working at Walley World when Clark Griswold loses his mind and decides to break into a theme park so his family can ‘have fun’? And then it all works out ‘cause Mr. Walley also has a family he doesn’t spend enough time with?

Truly a baffling film folks.

Pros: John Candy, Eugene Levy, and Jane Krakowski (she’s a Griswold cousin, already super sassy as a teen), and Lindsay Buckingham of Fleetwood Mac wrote a couple songs for it

Cons: Literally everything else.

Like a lot of people during the ol’ Covid, I’ve had a lot of extra time on my hands. Over the years I’ve made all these lists of movies and shows I’d like to watch, and then suddenly I had all this time to actually watch them. The ‘no re-watches’ rule I’d implemented for myself a few years ago, the one I did to try and force myself to make time for new things, sort of became moot. I had the time. I watched the things. Oh, I watched them. As a human who lives alone, and suddenly had her very full calendar reduced to work and not work, streaming services and I have had an EXCELLENT relationship throughout these past 13 months.

Amongst those things that I’ve watched have been Marvel’s newest TV forays, WandaVision and The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. And I have to say, they’ve been making me miss the ol’ MCU. A LOT. So, with Oscar-movie watching almost finished and new restrictions in BC, I’m launching on my first full rewatch of the MCU since I don’t know when. I’m going with chronological release order, and since I’m me and I can’t help myself, I’m going to be doing a personal ‘definitive ranking’ as I go. And since I’m a sucker for a blog project (that we’ll be lucky if I complete, coughGoTrewatchcough) I figured I’d hop on over here and share some thoughts along with my ranking so far.

Iron Man - 2008, directed by Jon Favreau

The movie that launched an empire. I have very fond memories of watching Iron Man in theatres. It felt so new, so different, at the time. Sure there had been superhero movies before, but none felt quite like this, and I think casting had a big part to do with it. Robert Downey Jr. embodies Tony Stark in a way that makes the two of them (for better or worse) feel almost indistinguishable. I also can’t believe how YOUNG he looks! I know this came out in 2008, but DANG. Baby Tony here. Other thoughts:

• I can’t believe I forgot that Jeff Bridges was in Iron Man. Launching the ‘famous, award-winning white guys as villains’ in the Marvel universe

• Remember when Terence Howard was Rhodey?!

• Oh hi Paul Bettany - right now you get to just record, but soon you’ll have almost the most makeup of them all! Muwahahahaha

• I miss incredibly dry Coulson from Phase One. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED Clark Gregg in AoS, but seriously, he’s perfect here.

The Incredible Hulk - 2008, directed by Louis Letterrier

Poor Incredible Hulk. I can see how hard it tries, and honestly, I don’t think it’s as bad as everyone says it is. For me, it suffers a lot from ‘too much destruction’ syndrome. I get that they really want to emphasize the gamma monster of it all, but the Hulk and Abomination battles are just too long. Ed Norton isn’t a bad Banner, I like a lot of what he brings to the role. I also liked the humour here, and the nods to the comic and old TV show (Hi there Lou Ferrigno).

• In other ‘remember they’re a part of the MCU?’ news, Hi Liv Tyler, Tim Roth and Tim Blake Nelson

Iron Man 2 - 2010, directed by Jon Favreau (written by Justin Theroux)

As I was watching Iron Man 2 I was realizing how little of this movie I remember. Tony dealing with being poisoned by the thing that’s keeping him alive, the government trying to steal his suit, and Pepper being increasingly annoyed with him. Which, I get, I’d be annoyed too Pep - he’s a frustrating human being. However, I also liked this a lot more than I thought I would. I mean, Sam Rockwell does a lot for that, ‘cause he’s always a good time, especially here as Hammer trying (and failing) to out-Stark Tony. On top of that, we get the introduction of Scarlett Johanssen’s Natasha Romanov! Considering how much of a badass she gets to be here, particularly in the fight at the Hammer compound, it’s really baffling that it’s taken a full decade to get her solo movie.

• Elon Musk has a cameo in this

• Hi Don Cheadle!

• Add Rockwell and Mickey Rourke to the ‘famous award-winning white guys’ list!

Thor - 2011, directed by Kenneth Branagh

Here’s the thing with Thor, yes, it has its fair share of issues, Chris Hemsworth’s too-blond eyebrows being the tip of that iceberg, but it’s still our first venture into the ‘cosmic’ part of the MCU, and for that, I think we have to give it some credit. I think Branagh does a pretty good job introducing us to the ‘science magic’ of the MCU. Sure, I think he makes Asgard a bit too ‘Shakespeare’, but it sort of works. Hemsworth and Natalie Portman are sweet, but I don’t quite buy their love story. Although, I do love Jane Foster, and I’m happy she’s here (and coming back for Thor: Love & Thunder) Last, but not least, we get the introduction of Tom Hiddleston’s Loki, which, wow, I bet they didn’t know how much he’d blow up after this.

• FAWWG addition: Anthony Hopkins

• All the dudes knowing that Sif is the best warrior of them all - again, why did we have to wait until 2019 to get the first female solo flick?

• Kat Dennings and Stellan Skarsgard are an absolute joy

• Oh hi there Hawkeye

• Hemsworth gives good torso folks. (For more excellent torso work, may I recommend The Legend of Tarzan starring another Skarsgard, Alexander)

Captain America: The First Avenger - 2011, directed by Joe Johnston

I have very fond memories of seeing this with Craig Kerbrat in San Diego one year when we didn’t have passes for that day at SDCC. A large selling point being that the movie theatre would be air-conditioned. We were Canadians in southern California in late July, there’s only so much heat we could handle at once. I have a huge soft spot in my heart for this flick. Watching The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, Erksine’s (one of several FAWWG additions here, Stanley Tucci) insistence on finding the right person for the super soldier program makes SO much more sense. Steve' Rogers is just a good guy, he wants to join the army, not for fame or glory, or to ‘to kill Nazis’, it’s because he ”doesn’t like bullies”. Casting in the MCU continues to be spot-on, I know they pursued Chris Evans for this role, and I’m happy he accepted, ‘cause he’s spot-on as Cap. We also get Hayley Atwell as Peggy Carter, I love her with every fibre of my being and would recommend everyone to watch her stand-alone series (Agent Carter). Other thoughts:

• This is the Britishiest movie about America, I clocked Jenna Colman (Clara from Doctor Who), and Natalie Dormer (Margery Tyrell of Game of Thrones), plus Dominic Cooper, Richard Armitage, Toby Jones, and David Bradley.

• Science magic again!

• FAWWG: Stanley Tucci, Tommy Lee Jones, Hugo Weaving

Avengers - 2012, directed by Joss Whedon

Oh man, Avengers. Why DC decided to try and do their team-up movie without laying the groundwork like Marvel did still baffles me because while this movie is objectively fantastic, a big reason that it works is that we don’t have to do the origin stories for six characters. No, they just get to team up and save the world in spectacular fashion instead, ‘cause the film assumes you know who they all are. Instead, we get to have more fun bringing the characters together, showing their ‘powers’ in action. The banter, the action, the story, it all works perfectly here and is the best way to close out Phase one of the MCU.

• I’ll never not love that Cap’s primary weapon is a shield, it says so much about him as a character

• ALAN SILVESTRI! Seriously, that score! chef’s kiss

• Literally nothing funnier than Hulk beating up Loki during the battle.

How my MCU ranking looks after Phase One: (yes, I sure did make and colour-code index. cards just for this ranking)

See you after Phase Two!

Sigh. I know I’m a broken record, but Ned. Oh Ned.

I get it, CSI: King’s Landing was more appealing to you than the tournament being thrown in your name, but maybe if you weren’t so outwardly hostile to everyone and more suspicious of Littlefinger, then things wouldn’t go so badly in the end. I mean, probably not, but hey, a girl can hope
At least he convinces Robert not to compete in the tournament, not just because his armour is too small for him now, but because surely someone in the Queen’s pocket would figure out how to kill him. I mean, his outward hostility to Lancel Lannister is probably what gets him killed a few episodes later, and might be why Lancel becomes one of the sparrows later on (if I remember all of this correctly, which I may not, as previously mentioned, I haven’t watched these episodes in an age)

Instead of Robert making a fool of himself, we get the introduction of Ser Loras, and oh man, I can’t believe how much I forgot about this show. All I can see now when I see the Knight of the Flowers is the fact that he’s Iron Fist, it’s very distracting. I’m sure I’ll get over it shortly, but man, that hair, that smug face. Littlefinger goads Renly about his relationship with Loras, which seems awfully hypocritical coming from the guy who’s lusting after a CHILD in Sansa, but this is GoT, so I guess we can’t be that surprised.
Anyways, Loras proves that he’s not just a pretty face by beating the Mountain, who then decapitates his horse (yes, I mixed this up and thought it was in the last episode, I watched them back to back, lesson learned) and tries to go after Loras. The Hound stops him and we get the first round of the Cleganebowl, something I’m SO looking forward to in season 8.
I enjoy later on when Loras and Renly are together and get a little glimpse that plotting for the throne comes from all areas. It’s shocking to think how many people want to sit on that uncomfortable throne made of melted weapons. However, it’s interesting to see Loras’ argument to have Renly on the throne, when he says, ”Where is it written that power is only made for the worst?” Renly is good and would, ostensibly a far more frugal king than Robert, who thought being king meant being able to do what he wanted, and leaves the running of the kingdom the small council as opposed to getting involved directly.
EXCEPT! When it comes to the Targaryens. News arrives that Daenerys is pregnant and Robert’s complete and utter hatred for the house that took away the one thing that he truly wanted, Lyanna Stark, brings him to a meeting to demand Ned have her killed. Assassinating a pregnant young woman a world away is a step too far for the honourable man from the North. It’s the excuse he’s been waiting for to throw in the towel and head back to the far less intriguing North. He gives up his position as Hand. We all know it’s a big mistake, especially considering what his wife is up to, but alas.

Catelyn heads to see her sister, and finds her changed. Apparently, spending time in the capital is bad for everyone. The image of her sitting up on that high seat, breast-feeding an eight-year-old Robin is QUITE the introduction for Lysa. Between that and the cadence of speech that both Lysa and Robin have just makes them so damn creepy. It makes you feel extra sympathy for Tyrion. Catelyn was unwise enough to bring him there, something that she starts to see for herself very quickly, but being thrown in that cell with no back wall? YIKES. It’s no WONDER the Eyrie is such a valuable piece of real estate in the Game of Thrones board game.

Up in Winterfell you also get another glimpse Theon’s increasing frustration with his lot in life. Oh Theon, be careful what you wish for. Things are going to get SO much worse for you. Bran also demonstrates some of the frustration that I have in Catelyn. She’s so convinced that she’s doing the right thing that she seemingly forgets that she has two young children that need her attention back in Winterfell, not just Bran, who’s recovering from an injury, but Rickon as well.

Back in King’s Landing, we get Arya training, trying to catch a cat. And if that’s one of the requirements for becoming a sword fighter, then I’m well on my way, ‘cause I’m an excellent cat catcher. However, her efforts due lead her to several interesting discoveries. Firstly, that the skulls of the dragons weren’t destroyed like Viserys thought they were, they’ve just been moved underground. The second thing is far more important, that Jon Arryn was killed because he started asking questions, just like his father has been. She gets the kind of direct proof of all the overt plotting that’s going on against the throne. However, she’s unable to identify the men, and stumbles over her words, and is ultimately interrupted by Yoren’s arrival with the news that Catelyn’s taken Tyrion prisoner.

In between this and Ned’s discovery of another one of Robert’s bastards right before the slaughter of his men, we get a surprisingly touching scene between Cersei and Robert, laughing about their marriage and how it’s kind of a mess. It’s two people who stay married for appearances but seemed to know from the beginning it would never be a happy one. Considering all her actions later on in the show, it’s so hard to tell if Cersei is sincere here, but I’d like to think she was. She didn’t seem to become quite so power hungry until after Robert dies.

Finally we get the end of the episode, the first true indication that everything isn’t going to work out for the family we so want to cheer for (even though they make so many bad decisions). Ned’s honour yet again is the thing that gets him into the most trouble, when he claims that he was the one that ordered Tyrion’s capture, not letting Catelyn take the blame. While Jamie may not be able to act out against Robert directly over all the small slights he takes against the Lannister family, he certainly feels like he has the right to defend his family honour when Robert’s friend captures his brother without just cause. Obviously, I think he takes it a step too far by killing the Stark bannermen, but then again, this is Game of Thrones and that’s how the game is played, by taking as many players off the board as you can at once.

The Mountain’s horse, decapitated by the Mountain
Kurleket, killed by Hill Tribesmen
Willis Wode, killed by Hill Tribesmen
Wyl, killed by Lannister guardsmen
Heward, killed by Lannister guardsmen
Jory Cassel, killed by Jamie Lannister
Four unnamed Hill Tribesmen, killed by Bronn
One unnamed Hill Tribesman, killed by Tyrion
Two unnamed Hill Tribesmen, killed by Rodrick Cassel
One Lannister guardsman, killed by Ned Stark
Three Lannister guardsmen, killed by Jory Cassel

image created by Robert Ball for HBO’s Beautiful Death series

Everybody’s on the road! I mean, by the end of the episode a lot of people are on the road, and the episode’s called ‘The Kingsroad’…am I reaching? Maybe. Anyways, let’s dive in.

We start in Essos with Dany and Ser Jorah, and I have to admit, with how lovesick he gets in the latter seasons I kind of forgot some of who Jorah was before that. It’s also nice to get a reminder that he’s a Northerner, he flees Westeros because his liege lord, Ned Stark, had condemned his to death for selling poachers to a slaver (to fund his wife’s lavish lifestyle, but that’s left out of the show) , not only that but he’s the only son of Jeor Mormont, Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. He’s got some seriously strong ties to the North, and I’m curious to see how that will play out in the final season when Dany and Sansa inevitably start butting heads.
As mentioned in my last post, Dany and Drogo were my main focus in the first season, so for her to learn how to be a better lover, and therefore more in control of what happened in the tent made me really happy to see. It also kind of proves to me that even though she spent so long living with Viserys and his instance that he’s a king, etc, she recognizes the true power that Drogo has, and how through him she can gain independence from her brother’s awfulness. That kind of smarts makes it really easy to root for Dany especially in this first season.

In the first season, while I liked the Starks more than any other of the Westerosi houses, I also found them a bit frustrating. Overly noble, too bound to duty, etc. Now, I just want those poor remaining Starks to make it through the winter. Catelyn is the most frustrating for me, I can see that she loves her children, and now she’s been left alone in the North with her sick child, but it literally takes an assassin to remind her that life is happening outside the room where Bran’s recovering. She’s also SO terrible to Jon. Who, while sometimes frustrated with his ‘bastard’ title, is never anything but courteous to his ‘father’s’. wife. Even after she’s so awful to him while Jon’s saying goodbye to the comatose Bran, Robb asks about his mother’s conduct, and Jon lies and says ‘she was very kind’. UM. NO SHE WASN’T. She was outwardly hostile to you.

We also get the promise from Ned to Jon, that Ned will tell Jon about his mother when he sees him next. Poor Jon. I know that L+R=J was one of the biggest theories (now proven correct) in GoT, but I sometimes wonder why it had to be such a huge secret. I mean, I know it’s a lot of what forms Jon’s character, but still. Considering how much Ned trusts and loves his wife, would it have really been so much to tell her that Jon wasn’t the walking embodiment of his shame, but his nephew? I can appreciate that perhaps Cat not being outwardly hostile to Jon might have been a give away for some, but how often does anyone of consequence visit them? Robert’s been on the throne for seven years, and this is the first time. Another thought, all Targaryens are known for how crazy blonde they are, so that Northern blood must be VERY strong for Jon to be so very dark, without a hint of the telltale Targaryen blonde.

A few thoughts about Lannisters. Tyrion disabusing Jon of his belief in what the Night’s Watch is, but also expressing his doubts about all the things that lurk beyond the wall. Thinking about when Jon proves him wrong by bringing a White Walker to King’s Landing is a nice ‘I told you so’.
Cersei can occasionally be genuinely sympathetic. When she tells you about her first son, Robert (and her only child by her husband) and how he died, you feel for her. I think this is due, in great part, to Lena Headey’s great skill as an actor. However, that being said, she is also the worst (like her son), using Sansa to get back at Arya is such a horrible hint at all the things that are to come, both for Sansa and Cersei.
Finally Joffrey. I know I said that Cersei was the worst, but it’s actually Joffrey. From the top of the episode when Tyrion slaps (Slap Counter: 3) him for being petulant about showing deference to the Starks, his hosts, in their time of grief. If you wanted an indication of character...Then when he and Arya get into it, you can see in his crazy eyes that he really and truly wanted to kill the girl, for so little a slight as her defending her friend.

Finally Sansa. Like most, I found her really annoying the first time through, but in this episode my heart breaks for her when her actions condemn Lady. Sadly, it’s the first of many horrible lessons she has to learn before becoming the badass Lady Stark she is today. Speaking of direwolves, I wonder if we’ll ever see Nymeria again? I think other than Ghost, she’s the only Stark direwolf that, as far as we know, is still alive.

Assassin killed by Summer (Bran’s direwolf)
Lady (Sansa’s direwolf), killed by Ned Stark, but only because Cersei’s terrible
Mycah, killed by the Hound (as depicted in this post’s Beautiful Death)

image created by Robert Ball for HBO’s Beautiful Death series

Welcome to my insane little project. .
After making the effort to watch all the Oscar nominated films over the last month, I seemed to think that re-watching and blogging about Game of Thrones would be a good idea. And it might be, I mean, I haven’t watched any of the series since they first aired, so reliving the show could be fun. I also already review a show weekly for my podcast, so I’m definitely used to picking shows apart, albeit normally with my co-host and in audio form as opposed to the written…However, I may have slightly miscalculated the amount of time that this ‘little’ project will take, so I’m going to go ahead and say up front, that while I intend to blog my entire rewatch, it’s quite possible that I may fall a little short, not an apology, just forewarning you, dear audience (whomever you may be) that it might happen.

And with that, on to the episode!

I remember being intrigued, but also confused the first time I watched this cold open. I didn’t know that was the Wall, nor that they were venturing beyond it. I know idea who or what Wildlings, White Walkers, or the Night’s Watch were. There were just three guys tramping around in the snow, and spooky things happening. The show was also very sparing with their 'fantasy’ elements in this first season. (if I remember correctly, I may prove myself wrong in a couple eps) Maybe partly due to budget constraints (the production value, while good, looks ‘worse’ than subsequent seasons) and maybe to not lose the people who were in for courtly intrigue but not so much into magic and dragons, etc.

After the (impressive) opening credits, we get our first introduction to the heroes of the show, the Starks. People, I cannot stress enough how young everyone is. So young, so carefree, so unaware of all the terrible things that are about to befall their family. Robb and Jon teaching Bran archery, Sansa being proud her needlework, and Arya showing up her brother with her own archery skills, and Ned and Cat looking out proudly at it all. JUST STOP THE SHOW HERE WHILE EVERYONE’S ALIVE AND HAPPY. But alas, this is a drama, and drama requires conflict. So. Much. Conflict. Like seven more seasons worth…

We get our first glimpse of Valyrian steel when Ned uses Ice to behead the sole survivor of the White Walker, you know and brought his 10-year-old along to watch. After giving us the first glimpse of how Ned might be a little too dutiful and honourable for his own good, by following the old ways of dispensing the justice himself, we learn the next most important thing: Theon’s the worst. He smirks when Will loses his head and was completely okay with killing a puppy. Yeah, I hated this guy. Like, a lot. And he gets worse before he gets better, but apparently being tortured by a sociopath is the way to redemption if your name is Theon.

It’s interesting to note that Ned respects Jon enough to listen to him when he suggests that they bring the direwolves back to Winterfell. It’s hard to say why exactly, maybe because he reminds Ned of his sister, or he gives Ned a good reason to NOT MURDER PUPPIES, but either way. Also, I forgot how formal Jon was with Ned. He respects his place as the lowest man on the totem pole, but also deeply respects his ‘father’. Always calling him ‘Lord Stark’ and ‘my lord’. I think this bastard upbringing is a big part of what makes Jon a good leader in the end. He learned from a distance, but was respected when he had good ideas. (like not killing puppies, the best idea) I mean, he obviously has a huge chip on his shoulder about it too, mainly ‘cause Catelyn is absolutely horrible to him.

I have so many thoughts when the Lannisters come to Winterfell, the main one being “don’t smile at Joffrey Sansa!” The other is that I kind of forgot how cocky Jamie was. I know most of the characters who’ve survived to the end of the last season have had some impressive character arcs, but I think Jamie’s might be one of the most dramatic. He gets up in Ned’s face, he’s mean to Jon, he is kind to his brother, you know, and then the whole twincest and pushing a ten-year-old out a window ‘for love’.

The final storyline of the episode takes us across the Narrows sea to Pentos, where I completely forgot that Roger Allam was in this show, I mean, I shouldn’t be surprised, because it seems like if you’re British and available you were probably cast in GoT at some point. And while I remembered about Viserys, I kind of blocked out how gross he is. In his FIRST SCENE he’s undressing and touching his sister as he essentially sells her for an army. I’m already looking forward to episode six. I must admit when I was first watching the show, I would fast forward the episodes to see what was happening with Dany and Khal Drogo. While their relationship starts off HORRIBLY, theirs is the only ‘happy’ storyline of the season (yes, until the end, OBVIOUSLY) while everyone else is lying, cheating, backstabbing, and being being generally awful, they’re falling in love, and Daenerys is learning that she’s more powerful that she expected.

I think that was enough words for this post, it’s already far too long. A few parting thoughts at the end of the first episode, with the retrospective eye, it’s easy to see how much they were setting up the ‘final three’ (Jon, Daenerys, and Cersei) right from the start. At the beginning we thought the show was starring Sean Bean and Mark Addy, not knowing that neither man would make it out of the first season alive. Speaking of Sean Bean, I miss Ned Stark.

Finally, I’m going to do an In Memoriam for each episode, ‘cause why not. I’m also going to feature the lovely art created by HBO by artist Robert Ball for each episode, depicting the ‘most iconic deaths in the realm’. On top of depicting one of the most important deaths in the episode, they’re also full of Easter eggs, like in this one the blood makes the map of Westeros.

Waymar Royce - killed by a White Walker - the distinction of being the first of MANY deaths in Game of Thrones
Gared - killed by a White Walker
Will - executed by Ned Stark
Jon Arryn - poisoned by Lysa Arryn
Two Dothraki - killed at the wedding, ‘cause it’s not a good Dothraki wedding unless at least three people are killed (so I have to assume at least one more person died at this wedding)

image created by Robert Ball for HBO’s Beautiful Death series

If you're looking for a way to escape the haze and the heat this weekend, I have a few tips:

• Tip #1 DO NOT go see Valerian. It's a trap. While it is visually lovely, and has some nice moments, overall it's a bit of a mess, with a completely unbelievable relationship and some awful dialogue thrown in on the side. (If you really want some Luc Besson in your life, stay at home and watch The Fifth Element instead),
• Tip #2 DO NOT see The Emoji Movie. I haven't seen this one, but if this tweet is anything to go by, I'm definitely better off. If your kids try to do the same, maybe convince them to stay home and watch Moana and Zootopia on Netflix instead.

• Tip #3 definitely go see War for the Planet of the Apes, it's a completely satisfying ending to the new Apes trilogy. (and manages to neatly tie itself to the 1968 original)

If you haven't seen Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011) or Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014) I would highly recommend that you see them, not just because you'll understand more of what's going on in War for the Planet of the Apes, but also because they're genuinely good films. I was a little reticent when Rise came out in 2011, I still had the bad taste of the 2001 Tim Burton/Mark Wahlberg version in my mouth, so much so that I didn't see it in theatres. After having several friends (with respectable movie taste) mentioned how good it was, I watched it when it came out on DVD (remember DVDs?) and was pleasantly surprised.

One of the best things that these new films has done is shift the focus from the humans to the apes. It lets the films hold up a mirror to human society, and what it shows isn't reflection we should ever be proud of. The apes, trying to build a peaceful society away from the humans, continue to be hunted and feared by the human population. After a devastating attack on their home, Caesar (the absolutely amazing Andy Serkis, who should win all the awards for his motion capture work) sends the apes off to find a new home, while he heads off to launch a one-ape assault on the Colonel (Woody Harrelson) and the soldiers who killed so many of his people. While there is actual conflict in the film, a lot of the 'war' is internal, as Caesar's animal and rational sides battle for dominance. Let me reiterate here how amazing Andy Serkis is as Caesar here. This is a completely CGI character, but the performance that Serkis gives through all that technology is nuanced and oftentimes heartbreaking. This is a character who came to prominence through conflict, and wanted nothing more than to live out the rest of his life in peace with his family - instead he's pulled into conflict all over again. All of that comes across perfectly in the performance, a better performance than you get in a LOT of films these days.

Do yourself a favour and see War for the Planet of the Apes, and then if you really feel like you 'have to' (you don't) go ahead and re-watch (or watch for the first time) Planet of the Apes starring Charlton Heston from 1968 and see just how far science fiction films have come from the late 1960s. It's a long way folks, a long LONG way.